By John Reizer
Satirical Fiction
BELGIUM — It’s more than likely Georges Lemaître may have had a rather unusual evening with several fellow Catholic priests before developing his famous idea about the Big Bang Theory and an expanding universe.
The year was 1927, and the gathering had started innocently enough.
There was wine. Actually, there was a lot of wine. Eventually, someone apparently asked a question that would change cosmology forever:
“Father Lemaître, where did the universe come from?”
Lemaître stared into his wine glass for several seconds. “You better give me another glass,” he replied.
After another generous pour, Lemaître began drawing large circles, arrows, and a plethora of strange-looking mathematical symbols on a piece of paper. “Imagine,” he said, pointing at the paper, “everything in the universe was squeezed into one tiny place.”
One of the other priests squinted at the drawing. “You mean like this wine bottle?”
“Exactly!” said Lemaître, downing another glass.
One of the priests objected. “But Father, if everything was once together, what happened?”
Lemaître stood up dramatically, a little wobbly from the consumption of alcohol and said, “It exploded!”
The room fell silent.
Then the other priests burst out laughing and yelled at the same time, “The universe exploded?”
“Something like that,” Lemaître said, trying to keep his balance while in an upright position.
“And has it been expanding ever since?” asked another priest.
Lemaître nodded, then tripped over his feet and landed on the floor. “Now you’re thinking!” he said, looking up at his colleagues from the ground.
At this point, one of the priests suggested that perhaps the entire universe was expanding because everyone present had consumed too much wine.
Lemaître tried to get up but slipped again, laughing in the process. “Impossible,” he yelled out.
“Why?” Another priest asked.
“Because I’ve only had three bottles.”
The other priests looked at the empty bottles.
There were seven of them.
By midnight, Lemaître had developed what later became known as the ‘Primeval Atom’ hypothesis. At the time, he called it “that thing I just thought of after drinking too much wine.”
The next morning, Lemaître examined his notes and discovered that half of his calculations were upside down.
He stared at them for several minutes before saying, “Gentlemen, I think I have discovered something very important.”
“What’s that?” one of the other priests asked.
“I’m going to need a helluva lot more coffee.”
This was the scientific consensus before 1927:
This was what science believed not long ago and defended as the best explanation for the universe’s existence. I believe it makes more sense than the Big Bang Theory.
Do you see how crazy “scientific consensus” and the theories behind these conclusions really are? Yet, academics will sit upon their high horses, proclaiming that they have the ideas and math to prove their ridiculous ideas.
The words “scientific consensus” mean nobody’s challenging the official line of bullshit, no matter how illogical or stupid the hypothesis might be.
Target List (2023)
After announcing a ground-breaking cancer cure, five members of the research team are targeted by an assassin hired by big pharma. When two researchers escape the attack, they soon find themselves framed for the crime and on the killer’s target list.
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